Opinion: Roundabout sculptors miss the mark on what Sarasota really is

The massive Unconditional Surrender statue in Sarasota should be relocated, and I know just the place: Runway 23 at the Venice Municipal Airport.

Why, flying has become just too darned easy for pilots these days. What they need is art to interpret just prior to landing.

Come to think of it, someone should build a go-kart track in the courtyard of the Ringling Museum too. Studying some of the most famous sculptures in Western Civilization is an experience always enhanced by navigating a figure-8 in a glorified bed frame powered by a 196cc single-stroke engine.

So what does this have to do with anything? Well, three sculptors will be making their final presentations to the Sarasota Public Art Committee on May 3 to use their designs at the Fruitville Road and U.S. 41 roundabout.

Just what we need: Drivers from out of state looking up restaurant directions on their cell phones while trying to navigate a roundabout and wondering why they are passing by three big birds stacked on top of each other and what those birds have to do with Sarasota.

Mark Reigelman's nomination is called "Snowbirds." It's three junco birds stacked on each other, like animals balancing at the circus. It's a nod to our circus past and our friends who visit from the north. Think you could figure that one out while driving through?

"Though this species of bird does not typically inhabit Sarasota's warm climate, snowbirds invite viewers to contemplate the delicate balance of play and fragility in a constantly changing world, while examining our own migratory impulses versus the desire to stay put," Reigelman said in his written proposal.

I'd rather the "viewers" "contemplate" yielding to other cars instead of looking at a 28-foot-tall sculpture.

The two other finalists submitted sculptures related to clouds, though I'm not sure why the city can't save the $250,000 and just have people look at the real clouds.

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Sujin Lim's sculpture is called "Sun Always Shining." It consists of sunbeams and three clouds. Shan Shan Sheng's is titled "Dancing Clouds." There are 28 clouds made of glass representing the crystal sands of our beaches.

This, of course, is all wrong.

Great sentiment, but we stopped being marshmallow clouds and pixie-dust sand a long time ago. Want to know what we are now?

We are overflowing beaches.

We are overcrowded roads.

We are overdeveloped land.

We are unaffordable housing.

We are unreasonable insurance.

We are outdated infrastructure.

We are government lacking long-term vision.

We are speeders over bridges.

We are roadwork during season.

We are red lights.

We are red tide.

We are unattractive to young professionals.

We are divisive and snide.

We are a kidnapped college.

We are a hospital board all wrong.

We are a school board even worse.

We are scared parents.

We are confused students.

We are conspiracy theorists.

We are a ruined reputation at the point of no return.

These are the real traits someone needs to incorporate into a new sculpture for our roundabout.

We wouldn't have to worry about accidents either.

No driver in a million years would ever be tempted to look at such uninspired junk.

This article originally appeared on Sarasota Herald-Tribune: Once an art piece, Sarasota keeps looking more like a piece of junk