money 55 Best Funny Graduation Quotes to Celebrate the Milestone With Humor
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1) Robert Orben
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.
RELATED: 140 Best Graduation Quotes Perfect for the Class of 2023
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2) Patricia Akins
Remember, when it comes to applying for jobs, books are judged by their cover!
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3) Mark A. Cooper
Life has no remote....get up and change it yourself.
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4) George Foreman
I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today.
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5) Harry Banks
If at first you don’t succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
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6) Elbert Hubbard
Do not take life too seriously — you will never get out of it alive.
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7) Sarah Brown
The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
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8) Muhammad Ali
If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.
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9) Thomas Dewar
Minds are like parachutes — they only function when open.
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10) James E. Ryan
Each year at graduation, I am obliged to offer a few “brief remarks,” which are usually not as brief as they should be.
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11) Erma Bombeck
Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After 22 years of child-raising, they are unemployed.
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12) Lily Tomlin
The road to success is always under construction.
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13) George W. Bush
To those of you who are graduating this afternoon with high honors, awards and distinctions, I say, "Well done." And as I like to tell the C students: You too, can be president.
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14) Doug Larson
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
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15) Bette Reese
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
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16) Jon Stewart
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
Danielle Carson - 17/55
17) Frank A. Clark
If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
Danielle Carson - 18/55
18) John Green
Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.
Danielle Carson - 19/55
19) Andy Sorkin
You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down, as long as it’s one fewer than the numbers of times you get back up.
Danielle Carson - 20/55
20) Neil Gaiman
Be wise, because the world needs wisdom. If you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would.
Danielle Carson - 21/55
21) Andy Samberg
You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.
Danielle Carson - 22/55
22) Gary Trudeau
Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
Danielle Carson - 23/55
23) Lin-Manuel Miranda
My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives.
Betsy Farrell - 24/55
24) Russell Baker
The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.
Betsy Farrell - 25/55
25) Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Danielle Carson - 26/55
26) Napoleon Hill
Big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.
Danielle Carson - 27/55
27) Unknown
When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back.
Betsy Farrell - 28/55
28) Ellen DeGeneres
Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
Betsy Farrell - 29/55
29) Unknown
Graduation: A ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it.
Betsy Farrell - 30/55
30) Art Buchwald
I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes – which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Danielle Carson - 31/55
31) Will Rogers
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Betsy Farrell - 32/55
32) Gloria Davidson
Struggling to decide what to do after graduation is, and always will be, a sort of rite of passage to the next phase of your life.
Betsy Farrell - 33/55
33) Unknown
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Danielle Carson - 34/55
34) Jonathan Winters
I couldn’t wait for success. I went ahead without it.
Danielle Carson - 35/55
35) Ron Swanson
Well, I’m not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.
Betsy Farrell - 36/55
36) William Lyon Phelps
If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
Betsy Farrell - 37/55
37) Unknown
I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the graduation ceremony.
Betsy Farrell - 38/55
38) Unknown
Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of life.
Betsy Farrell - 39/55
39) Ed Helms
So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.
Betsy Farrell - 40/55
40) Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man of genius is privileged only as far as he is genius. His dullness is as insupportable as any other dullness.
Danielle Carson - 41/55
41) Unknown
You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?
Betsy Farrell - 42/55
42) Will Ferrell
As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.
Betsy Farrell - 43/55
43) Jerry Zucker
It doesn’t matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.
Danielle Carson - 44/55
44) Vidal Sassoon
The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.
Betsy Farrell - 45/55
45) Benjamin Franklin
You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.
Danielle Carson - 46/55
46) Erma Bombeck
Worry is like a rocking chair — it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.
Danielle Carson - 47/55
47) Bill Watterson
So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.
Betsy Farrell - 48/55
48) Louisa May Alcott
Life is my college. May I graduate well, and earn some honors!
Betsy Farrell - 49/55
49) Unknown
Dance like nobody’s watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.
Betsy Farrell - 50/55
50) Fred Allen
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
Betsy Farrell - 51/55
51) Isaac Asimov
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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52) Greg Tamblyn
At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.
Betsy Farrell - 53/55
53) Unknown
I've already forgotten everything.
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54) Gary Bolding
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
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55) Theodore Roosevelt
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
Betsy Farrell
Your class of 2023 grad will not stop smiling after reading these funny graduation quotes and hilarious short messages about graduation in their card.
