At Fall River cemetery, decorating loved ones' graves for Christmas is a labor of love

FALL RIVER — For about a month, Richard McAndrew has spent part of his day standing out in the cold, putting up Christmas decorations. Not many people will see them, but he takes the time anyway.

“I’m not quite done," he says. “I’m doing the last of the measurements.”

On this day, it’s drizzling and chilly as McAndrew adjusts the shiny red Christmas bells perched atop his wife’s headstone. Jeanne McAndrew rests in Notre Dame Cemetery in Fall River’s South End, along the Newhall Street side. He’s decorated it for Christmas every holiday since she died in 2019.

“I have a manger also that’s got to be set at the bottom," he says. “So I'm not quite done yet. About three days — three, four days.”

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Decorating graves for Christmas is a labor of love

For some, remembering relatives at the Christmas season is more than leaving a simple bouquet of flowers at their gravesite — it’s closer to a construction project.

Along the quiet lanes of Notre Dame Cemetery, and the hundreds of rows of thousands of stones, there are frequent bursts of color and Christmas cheer. Three-foot candy canes flank some headstones, red and white striped. Here are lively Christmas wreaths with bright red bows. There are jolly figures of Santa Claus, shiny golden bells, smiling snowmen sitting in bristling holly bushes, angels and doves. Some headstones sit in new shade provided by evergreen Christmas trees decorated with tinsel and ornaments.

Richard McAndrew has built a structure over Jeanne’s stone to hold it all in place, garlands of pink and gold flowers, a bough of holly, some stockings — there’s actual lumber involved.

The holiday season, with its emphasis on family gatherings and yuletide cheer, can be hard for those still grieving loved ones. Decorating their graves for the season may help channel that grief positively, giving those who have passed on a chance to participate in the spirit of the season, too.

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Beth Goncalo lost her son, Pfc. Ethan Goncalo, on Dec. 11, 2010, while he was serving in Afghanistan. Standing by his headstone is a flocked Christmas tree topped with a golden bow, decorated with silver and gold ornaments.

“Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, we always put up the Christmas tree and the decorations together," Goncalo said. “I still do the decorating the day after Thanksgiving, but now he watches me from heaven while I decorate his grave. As long as I can walk on this earth, I'll be there the day after Thanksgiving decorating.”

Others have similar stories. "My mom always decorated her family members, so since she passed, I have taken over," said Rhonda Mello, sharing to the Herald News Facebook page a photo of a stone bearing a wreath decorated with red and white striped hearts and gift boxes. Jayne Elizabeth shared a photo of a tasteful wreath adorning her father’s stone in St. Patrick Cemetery, noting that “I don’t go crazy because we promised my dad we wouldn’t decorate his stone.” Raeanne Lavoie shared a photo of her mother and stepfather’s gravestone decorated with Christmas figurines, among them a tree emblazoned with the words: “Hope. Faith. Peace. Rejoice. Believe.”

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Protecting their holiday creations

At Oak Grove Cemetery, which is city-run, there's a lengthy list of rules as to what kinds of decorations are allowed. Per the city's website, Christmas flowers and decorations are allowed on graves from Dec. 1 through the first week of January. The city doesn't allow plastic flowers, glass or breakable items, or having items driven into the ground.

In the past, Oak Grove has caught flak for its cleanup policy. About five years ago, the city and the Board of Park Commissioners was lambasted by grieving families for a spring cleanup that saw hundreds of flower planters, mementos and decorations tossed in the trash.

Notre Dame and St. Patrick's cemeteries, run by the Diocese of Fall River, have their own set of rules — but Christmas is a special time.

"Christmastime, we're very lenient as far as the Christmas season goes," said David Raposa, director of cemeteries for the diocese. "As long as it doesn't obstruct the operation of the cemetery."

There are still limits, though, and a quick view of the landscape shows that many people with relatives in the cemetery have embraced the season with those in mind. "Obviously, we don't allow full Christmas trees, glass, candles, stuff like that. Your decorated wreaths, pointsettias, stuff like that is more than welcome," Raposa said. "Safety is the No. 1 issue."

The cemetery allows the decorations from Dec. 1 until Jan. 9, following the traditional "12 days of Christmas." "That is usually when the churches start taking their decorations down, so the cemeteries follow," Raposa said.

Cemeteries are often targets for mindless vandalism, however, even during this season.

McAndrew said in the past vandals have knocked apart the creations he leaves for Jeanne. It's a constant concern, as the colorful displays can draw unwanted attention by people making mischief. On Monday, Dec. 13, Fall River police said, vandals knocked over four headstones in Notre Dame Cemetery, an incident being investigated by Major Crimes Division. The spot isn't far from where Jeanne rests.

"Everything’s wired, they can’t get it," McAndrew said. "This is all cable — you'd need a bolt-cutter to get it off. Only I know the key."

'It was a love story'

“I was married 43 years,” McAndrew says, adjusting the decorations on Jeanne’s stone. “It was a love story.”

McAndrew is from Tiverton originally, but now travels from Dartmouth to visit Jeanne. He graduated from Massachusetts Maritime Academy in 1976, was a chief engineer with the Merchant Marines, and a state engineer for Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Maine.

“We met when I was a junior, fell in love,” he says.

Jeanne was from Fall River, the Flint. She graduated from the former Bishop Gerrard High School in 1973 and finished nurse's training at the Diman Vocational School in 1974. She was a nurse at the Cottages at Dartmouth Village, an assisted-living facility, and was so beloved that there’s a Japanese red maple tree planted there on the grounds in her honor.

“It’s like being married to Florence Nightingale,” McAndrew says.

On May 28, 2019, she left him and their family, including two sons and five grandchildren.

"Cancer,” he says. “Stage 4 lung cancer. Less than three months. She didn’t have a chance.

“She gave me an A-plus-plus for taking care of her. Can’t get any better than that from a nurse.”

Still an engineer, McAndrew draws up plans for his decorations. He adorns his wife’s grave not just for Christmas but throughout the year, with themes to suit the season.

“About 80 bucks, it costs — less than $100," he says. “She loved Christmas.”

As a cold wind picks up, McAndrew picks up one of two stuffed bears that have fallen over and tries to wedge it and have it stay put in a bed of flowers.

“This is hers,” he says. He indicates another bear on the other side. “And this is me.”

McAndrew stands back a moment and looks at his progress for today. His own name is on this stone, too. He'll be back over the next few days to try to finish his creation for the holiday season, but after Christmas when it's taken down, he’ll return with more wire, more flowers, more decorations, and a new theme.

“She was very proud of me,” he says, “and I was very proud of her.”

Dan Medeiros can be reached at dmedeiros@heraldnews.com. Support local journalism by purchasing a digital or print subscription to The Herald News today.

This article originally appeared on The Herald News: Christmas decorations at Notre Dame Cemetery are in holiday spirit