68 Senior Quotes So Good You'll Kinda Want To Steal Them

This article contains content previously curated by Dave Stopera, Michelle Rennex, Syd Robinson Hattie Soykan, and Shyla Watson. It was compiled by Kelly Rissman.

CBS News
Baby found abandoned Christmas morning in Adams County, parents arrested
Two people have been arrested and are facing charges of felony child abuse after a one-month-old baby was discovered in the median of a road Christmas morning.
Associated Press
US applications for unemployment benefits hold steady, but continuing claims rise to 3-year high
The number of Americans applying for unemployment benefits held steady last week, though continuing claims rose to the highest level in three years. Jobless claim applications ticked down by 1,000 to 219,000 for the week of Dec. 21, the Labor Department reported Thursday. The rising level of continuing claims suggests that some who are receiving benefits are finding it harder to land new jobs.
Associated Press
Cambodian court gives an opposition leader 2-year prison term, keeping pressure on critics
A Cambodian court on Thursday convicted an opposition party leader of inciting social disorder and sentenced him to two years in prison, the latest legal assault on opponents and critics of the government of Prime Minister Hun Manet. The Phnom Penh Municipal Court also gave Nation Power Party president Sun Chanthy a permanent ban on voting or running for office and fined him four million riels ($1,000). Sun Chanthy, 41, was arrested in May this year at Phnom Penh International Airport after returning from a trip to Japan where he held a meeting with several hundred Cambodian overseas workers.
NBC News
Trump names Kevin Marino Cabrera the ambassador to Panama
President-elect Donald Trump announced his pick for American ambassador to Panama, days after suggesting that the United States should take control of the Panama Canal.
AFP
Kremlin cautions on 'hypotheses' over plane crash
The Kremlin on Thursday cautioned against "hypotheses" over the crash of an Azerbaijani plane which had been due to land in Russia as experts pointed to possible evidence of a missile explosion."It would be wrong to make any hypotheses before the investigation's conclusions," Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov told reporters.
Associated Press
Middle East latest: 5 Palestinian journalists killed by Israeli strike, Gaza Health Ministry says
Five Palestinian journalists have been killed by an Israeli strike in the Gaza Strip, the Health Ministry said Thursday. Israel's military said it targeted a group of militants allied with Hamas, which ignited the war with its Oct. 7, 2023, attack in southern Israel. The strike hit a vehicle outside the Al-Awda Hospital in the Nuseirat refugee camp.
CBS News
Hanukkah 2024 started on Christmas Day in rare occurrence
The eight-day Jewish holiday of Hanukkah started on Christmas Day in 2024, an occurrence that happens very infrequently.
Associated Press
Why this Mexican American woman played a vital role in the US sacramental peyote trade
The late Amada Cardenas was called many things — the “angel of peyote,” the “peyote rose” or simply “Grandma Amada.” The beloved Mexican American peyotera — who was the first authorized dealer of peyote in the United States — not only played a vital role in the history of the peyote trade, but was also revered as an elder and healer by Native American peyote people. It's in an area Native Americans call the peyote gardens because the spineless cactus containing the hallucinogen mescaline, a plant they hold sacred, only grows naturally in this region and in northern Mexico.
AFP
Pakistan military convicts 60 more civilians of pro-Khan unrest
Pakistan military courts have sentenced 60 more civilians for taking part in pro-Imran Khan unrest last year, the armed forces said Thursday, after international outcry over earlier announced convictions.Announcing 60 more convictions on Thursday, the military said the court martials had now concluded.
Associated Press
What is the Native American Church and why is peyote sacred to members?
The Native American Church is considered the most widespread religious movement among the Indigenous people of North America. It holds sacred the peyote cactus, which grows naturally only in some parts of southern Texas and northern Mexico. Peyote has been used spiritually in ceremonies, and as a medicine by Native American people for millennia.
Associated Press
Peyote sacred to Native Americans threatened by psychedelic renaissance and development
In this corner of southern Texas, the plump cacti seem to pop out of arid dust and cracked earth, like magic dumplings. It’s only here and in northern Mexico that the bluish-green peyote plant can be found growing naturally, nestled under thorny mesquite, acacia and blackbrush. For many Native American Church members who call this region the “peyote gardens,” the plant is sacrosanct and an inextricable part of their prayer and ceremony.
Reuters
Exclusive-Guatemala open to accepting Trump's Central American deportees, sources say
Guatemala is open to receiving citizens of other Central American nations who are deported from the United States, three sources familiar with the matter said, as the country looks to build a positive relationship with the incoming Trump administration. The U.S. has struggled to deport nationals from places such as Nicaragua, Venezuela and Haiti due to strained relations. His team has already reached out to the governments of several countries to test their willingness to take deportees from third countries.
USA TODAY
Ohio corrections officer killed on Christmas Day in 'inmate assault,' prison officials say
Andrew Lansing, a corrections officer at a prison in Chillicothe, Ohio, was killed Christmas Day in what state officials say was an "inmate assault."
AFP
Palestinian TV channel says Israeli strike kills 5 journalists in Gaza
A Palestinian TV channel affiliated with a militant group said five of its journalists were killed Thursday in an Israeli strike on their vehicle in Gaza, with Israel's military saying it had targeted a "terrorist cell".The Israeli military said in its own statement that it had conducted "a precise strike on a vehicle with an Islamic Jihad terrorist cell inside in the area of Nuseirat".
Associated Press
Trump has pressed for voting changes. GOP majorities in Congress will try to make that happen
Republicans plan to move quickly in their effort to overhaul the nation’s voting procedures, seeing an opportunity with control of the White House and both chambers of Congress to push through long-sought changes that include voter ID and proof-of-citizenship requirements. In the new year, Republicans will be under pressure to address Trump’s desires to change how elections are run in the U.S., something he continues to promote despite his win in November. The main legislation that Republicans expect to push will be versions of the American Confidence in Elections Act and the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility Act, said GOP Rep. Bryan Steil of Wisconsin, chair of the Committee on House Administration, which handles election-related legislation.
Yahoo Finance
Stock market today: Dow, S&P 500, Nasdaq futures fall after Christmas break with jobs data on deck
US stocks were set to open post-Christmas trading with a bit of a hangover.
CBS News
3 shot, 1 stabbed in Christmas night dispute at Phoenix airport, police say
Gunfire rang out at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport on Christmas night and left three people wounded, police say. Another was stabbed. One was in critical condition.
AFP
Turkey lowers interest rate to 47.5 percent
Turkey's central bank lowered its key interest rate on Thursday, the first cut in nearly two years as it battles with double-digit inflation. The central bank began to raise interest rates last year to battle soaring prices, after President Recep Tayyip Erdogan dropped his opposition to orthodox monetary policy.
AFP
Syria authorities launch operation in Assad stronghold
Syria's new authorities launched an operation in a stronghold of ousted president Bashar al-Assad on Thursday, with a war monitor saying three gunmen affiliated with the former government were killed.According to the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights monitor, three gunmen linked with Assad's government were killed in the operation.
Associated Press
Turkey's central bank lowers key interest rate to 47.5%
Turkey’s central bank lowered its key interest rate by 2.5 percentage points to 47.5% on Thursday, carrying out its first rate cut in nearly two years as it tries to control soaring inflation. Citing slowing inflation, the bank’s Monetary Policy Committee said it was reducing its one-week repo rate to 47.5% from the current 50%. The committee said in a statement that the overall inflation trend was “flat” in November and that indicators suggest it is likely to decline in December.

1."I'm not great at senior quotes. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

2."Ignorance is bliss; that's why I'm miserable."

3."I bet you didn't even know this was an option. 😉😎👳🏽‍♀️👌🏻🐫🇺🇸"

4."The only things straight about me are the lines I paint."

5."I'm sorry, did my shoulders distract you from reading this quote?" — Alexandra Kramer

6."WE" —Alice Nguyen

7."My A's turned to B's and so did my grades, God bless."

8."The carpet matches the drapes."

9."I need feminism because I intend on marrying rich, and I can't do that if my wife and I are making .75 cent for every dollar a man makes."

10."SpongeBob SquarePants, season 3, episode 25, minute 5:44"

11."That wasn't like High School Musical at all."

12."I'm that Nigerian prince that keeps emailing you."

13."I like my women how I like my coffee. I don't like coffee."

14."Now you can call me Madison Hypothesis because I'm an educated Guess." —Madison Guess

15."High School — Well...Just as I thought...Trash."

16."Someone post this as a meme. I need to prove that getting on the front page of r/me_irl is easy. They'll upvote anything, even a Senior quote."

17."At least my name wasn't Ted." —Blake Bundy

18."I was the Beyoncé in a school full of Michelles."

19."I like my coffee how I like myself: dark, bitter, and too hot for you."

20."You can't choose your father, but you can choose your daddy."

21."And they were roommates!" —Miriam Fitts

22."Shoot for the moon; if you miss you will die in outer space, which is cool." —Katya Zamolodchikova

23."What if one day you woke up and you were a chicken?"

24."I listen to The Weeknd more than I listen to my teachers."

25."Don't follow your dreams, follow me on Twitter @GeorgeNanouh!"

26."Whether I gave all my effort, or no effort, I'm always giving Max effort." —Maxwell Traylor

27."Ravioli, ravioli, give me my diplomioli."

28."Hannah Montana said nobody's perfect, but here I am."

29."Of all the verses in the good book, this one has gotten me through these four years: Lunch 12:22."

30."All y'all fake."

31."Of course I dress well, I didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing."

32."All pizzas are personal pizzas if you try hard enough."

33."You can catch a lot of flies with honey, but you can catch more honeys being fly."

34."I am not Amith. I am a legend."

35."They say you are what you eat, but I don't remember eating a goat."

36."I have used my textbooks ONCE in these four years, it was as a plate for a waffle."

37."Yes I was born on a Tuesday. No, my brothers' names aren't Wednesday and Monday." —Tuesday Dermargosian

38."'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. —Wayne Gretzky' —Michael Scott"

39."I'm already hungry tomorrow."

40."'Sam just stole my girl again.' —Everyone" —Samuel Teehee

41."I started high school with straight A's; now I'm not even straight."

42."'No.' —Rosa Parks"

43."Education is important but biceps are importanter."

44."Aye, the beat go off..." —Jason Sears

45."Don't follow your dreams... Follow my Twitter: @nerojordan."

46."Good morning folks let's get those vaccinations." —Viking Wadsworth

47."If I die, turn my tweets into a book." —Gina Linetti

48."Anything is possible when you sound Caucasian on the phone."

49."Narnia wasn't the only thing in the closet for 17 years..."

50."I did meet some of the most insufferable people, but they also met me." —Shane Madej

51."I was about to take a math test, but when I pulled out my calculator, it was a pop-tart. I still don't know who did it." —Marbury

52."My stummy hurt." —Playboi Carti

53."I once tried to say 'Justin Timberlake' out loud and it came out as 'Jimber Timber.'"

54."At least I didn't drop out of high school like Zayn dropped out of One Direction."

55."Goodbye everyone, I'll remember you all in therapy." —Plankton

56."I want to actually attend a full week of school."

57."That's hot." —Paris Hilton

58."Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning."

59."The only reason I went to school all this time is to distract myself from the fact I'll never be Beyoncé."

60."I'm only 3 1/2 minutes younger..." —Allison Rowell

61."I want you to know that someone out there cares. Not me, but someone out there does."

62."'Are you guys twins?' Nope, just cousins." —Adrian Moreno

63."To all the teachers that never taught me a thing: Stranger Things, Season 2, Episode 5, 35:08."

64."Sometimes when my neighbor is gone, I roll around in her garden and pretend I'm a carrot."

65."If you like water, you already like 72% of me."

66."I love me a good pancake."

67."I'm not really funny, I'm just mean and people think I'm joking."

68."My computer screen is brighter than my future."

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