42 Graduation Quotes That Will Have You and Your Grad Laughing Despite It All

"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."

"Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After 22 years of child-raising, they are unemployed."

"The road to success is always under construction."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

"You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn't it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?"

"If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything."

"The main difference for you, between life yesterday and life tomorrow, is you can go to the bathroom whenever you want. It's a pretty big responsibility, but you've earned it."

"Stay in college, get the knowledge, stay there until you are through. If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something of you!"

"Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next, and you are mostly just making things up as you go along."

"When things go wrong, don't go with them."

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia."

"Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money."

"So be wise, because the world needs more wisdom. And if you cannot be wise, pretend to be someone who is wise, and then just behave like they would."

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing — that's why we recommend it daily."

"I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate."

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

"The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate."

"The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don't do it. I have been out there. It is a mess."

"Congrats on getting through the easiest part of life."

"Where do you see yourself in five 5 years?"

"Celebrating the fifth anniversary of you asking me this question."

"To those of you who are graduating this afternoon with high honors, awards and distinctions, I say, 'Well done.' And as I like to tell the C students: 'You too, can be president.'"

"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito."

“When I was your age, we didn’t have the internet in our pants. We didn’t even have the internet not in our pants. That’s how bad it was.”

“Even if you’re on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”

“Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.”

“You will find the key to success under the alarm clock.”

“Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.”

“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.”

“So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you’re on the right track.”

“So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.”

“Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path, then by all means you should follow that.”

“The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.”

“Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.”

“You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn't care how many times you fall down, as long as it’s one fewer than the number of times you get back up.”

“You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.”

“My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives. The stories you are about to live are the ones you will be telling your children, and grandchildren, and therapists.”

“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”

“It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days.”

“Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional.”

“You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.”

“As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.”